1/26/06
AND SO I HAVE AN EXCUSE

Well maybe I don’t really have an excuse for not taking a few minutes every now and then to write a little something for a new post. As we say in treatment talk (at my job,) I’ve been “off track” lately. I’m trying to not be too hard on myself though, because I’m undergoing so many changes. Life-altering, cataclysmic, strenuous, un relenting, and inescapable changes. Of course these changes are just so archetypical of the human condition. In my individual case however, I feel that I accelerate these changes according to the reckless lifestyle that I choose to live. Hmm…reckless doesn’t quite elicit the descriptive picture that I’d have you absorb.
Ah, and this is another interesting topic for discussion; do I really choose to live life this way? Or is there something else playing key factor here . . . some evil force, some scary devil that plagues and incessantly compels me to live recklessly? Many people---namely those in various 12 step programs, call what I’m describing a disease. The ever-powerful, mind-baffling, cunning, and auto-confusing disease called ‘addiction.’ Surely you’re familiar with this disease in someway or another. You work with / care for addicts, you have close friends or family members that are among the addicted. You’ve been wronged at some point, in some way, by one or more of these inflicted souls. Perhaps you’re one of them yourself!
Hey isn’t there a very popular book that lately so many people have been reading and talking about. Yes, in fact I’ve got it in my queue to read myself; it’s called A Million Little Pieces. I never read anything that has to do with ‘self-help’ or even non-fiction really. I think I’ll probably make an exception for this one though so that I can see what the big hubbub is all about. My secondary reason for wanting to read it is that miniscule little part of my brain that hopes it just may be ‘that one book that changed my life forever!’ I’ve read a few of those and I pray that there will be many more to come, but I don’t think any of them were, or will be in the ‘self-help’ category. It’s funny…I have friends that say, “I don’t need to read that book, I lived it myself!” I think I’ve even thought something like that; maybe “I don’t need to read that book, I’m living it myself!”
So, shall I calculate exactly how far off the planned path I had for writing this post that I’ve gone? Maybe just get to the here and now then. Well I mentioned change before. That has mostly to do with the physical place of personal habitation that I have permanently altered. That’s right. I finally got the hell out of that cursed dwelling that attracted psychotic, degenerate, innately wicked, corrupt, cruel, shameless, and definitely scandalous aliens disguised as people. Yes, that dwelling that to the untrained eye appeared very nice, clean, calm, and (my favorite quality) mighty spacious. Besides moving into the larger, downstairs unit of the house once, I have been residing in this building for more than 3 years.
From those 3 years, I bet I could write volumes worth of blog-posts that would be wonderfully intriguing, humorous, and brimming with drama and scandal beyond comparison. Seriously, I will probably often refer back to any of these um, seemingly unbelievable, although completely true reports of some of the events at 4807.
Well then, moving on to current events; I’d like to tell you about my past couple of weeks, and the havoc I endured struggling to keep my life somewhat together. Aw shit, let’s even take it back a few or so weeks. A good starting point I think may be my fantastical absconding, well not really…actually ass getting fired from the long time crutch/safety net that others may call Sizzler. Or maybe you’re one of this fine establishment’s patrons who incorrectly call it “Sizzlers,” or as my friend Angie has it listed in her cell phone ‘contacts list,’ “Hell.” This event was actually quite a long time coming. I really was quite a good employee; I just had one major flaw. The major flaw is the same goddamm flaw I’ve had since I can remember, it is tardiness. Really, I seriously have to do something about that someday, because I think I actually am pre-wired with some doomed behavior mechanism that actually guarantees that I will be constantly late for everything in my life. However, it wasn’t the flaw that actually got me sacked. It was more of a minor problem I’d sometimes have. Well you know… minor in the sense that it didn’t happen very often, but when it did, I’d be placed right in the center of a world of shit that had banners announcing “YOU’RE FIRED!!” And the banners are everywhere; for as far as I can see. Sorry, but the recollection is extremely vivid for me. Anyway, I’m talking about those fun and crazy times when I’d be livin it up so much that in the end I somehow wake up sometime (usually hours) after I was supposed to be at work. These types of infractions are very messy, and have to be handled extremely delicately in order to try to save my ass from getting fired. They usually include an exceedingly elaborate story of some sort, tempered with equal parts of complication and imagination. I was starting to learn to get really good at it too. I’d sit in bed for long enough first to calm down and then devise my plan of action in calling my boss.
I actually don’t think it’s funny, even though I feel like acting like it is anyway; maybe just for shits and giggles’ sake. Many people who are close to me and have known me for a while could tell you a few things they know to be true about me, which could be approaching a near dogmatic litany. One is that I’m pretty damned good at talking to people and convincing them that I’m a good and decent guy who should be cut a break who’s also worth taking a risk on. People just seem to want to believe me and trust me. I remember many times walking out of someone’s office or meeting place noticing a look of full confidence that it must have been a fluke that I had gotten into some jam and they were just delighted to help out a nice, good-natured ‘kid’ like me. “Sure! I can have another chance…I know you wont disappoint me kid!” This will work 2, 3, 4, 5, or even more times with some people.
Another thing people might tell you is that even though I put everything off until the absolute last minute; I somehow manage to pull whatever it is that I was supposed to have done or completed out of my ass in the last and most crucial moment…creating a ‘hat trick’ of sorts. My close friends like to describe it in these precise terms:
It’s a mystery how you pulled that off, but
somehow again you managed to do it…..
“BY THE SKIN OF YOUR TEETH!”
It’s kind of funny; my sister sometimes refers to me as “skin of the teether.” My best friend Danielle and I once joked that when we all die (our close knit of friends,) we will each have an epitaph written on our graves. You know, that kind of describes pretty much what you were all about in life. Well it’s kind of like that but ours will just basically state what our fundamental philosophy was as far as “doing life,” if that makes any sense at all LOL! So anyway, I think I’ll just end it on that note. I’m so tired from working more than a ten hour graveyard shift last night, and it’s been at least a few hours since I got off, left there to walk to the place where I meet my best friend (the city bus) in the cold-ass freezing rain wanting to feel good because I have the day (or night in my case) off, but have no money in my pocket. So here it goes…my early afternoon requiem to any of my peeps who might have stuck it through and really read all this nonsense!

"And at your funeral, I will sing the requiem..." SAVES THE DAY http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/clipserve/B00005M977001001/0/ref=mu_sam_wma_001_001/104-4071287-3156741

ANTHONY B.
1973-?
“Wow, I just made it by the skin of my teeth!”

DANIELLE S. L.
1973-?
“Better late than never!”

LISA B. H.
1973-?
either…
“that’s right, because I’m Jewish…that’s why” LOL
or
“I’ll try anything (or anyone LOL) once”

TRECIA RAMONA A.
1972-?
(and I’m really making this up now)
“I’ll only tell you the truth…really, believe me! What? How did that insult your intelligence?”

BRETT K.
1972-?
“I don’t come out of my room to go to the bathroom, and you think just because I haven’t seen you in years and you’re visiting from thousands of miles away that I’ll come out and say Hi?”

ALEX P.
1973-?
“It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…”