SO IT GOES 1/30/06
I couldn’t really think of a proper title for this post, so for anyone who’s read Slaughterhouse 5, you might recognize the quote. Anyway I’m not really in the writing mood, but I figure I might as well just write something so that I don’t get in the bad habit of not keeping up with this little project I started.
So I’ve gotten all moved into my new studio apartment, and I’m pretty relieved about that. It looks fairly cool. I still need a couple crucial pieces of furniture. The most important is something for guests to sit in, like a loveseat or small couch, lounge chair or something like that. It will also be nice for myself, because the only thing I have to be comfortable in is my bed, which is a brumble bed. I’ve never heard of one before, but what it is a bed on wheels that rolls out of what looks like a drawer of a large armoire. It’s really convenient and smart for a small studio because it allows for more room. This apartment is really quite interesting. The building was built in 1911, and was a hotel for many years. In fact, it still looks a lot like a hotel. It still has an old style elevator with a see-through door, and one of those old fashioned sliding metal inner doors that folds in. There are pictures of what Portland looked like back in early days on the hallway walls.
My favorite thing about the studio is that even though it looks very small, there is so much storage room that you don’t notice. For instance, since the bed is hidden, both the bathroom and walk-in closet are raised a few feet from the rest of the studio. So there are three step stairs that you walk up to enter them. Well under the platform of each stair is a storage drawer that pulls out almost as far back as the bathroom and closets go (about 8 ft or so.) There are also many large cabinets in the kitchen. Believe me, I’ve got a lot of shit, and I still have lots of extra room. In fact, I don’t even have a dresser or anything like that yet, so I’m using the stair drawers for many of my clothes.
Another thing I like about my new place is the location and view. It is in a nice part of downtown Portland very close (a couple blocks) from the bus mall and transit center from where you can take a light-rail train to anywhere in the city. I am on the fourth floor, and have two large windows in the main room that overlook the city. Whenever we have parades, which is pretty often, they pass right in front of the building so I have a great view of everything.
I’d say that I’m pretty happy. It is so strange to not have roommates…strange and wonderful! I love how my place is clean all the time, because I’m clean all the time. Having my own bathroom and kitchen is great. The only thing that I have to work on is my budget. Oh, did I say my budget? What I meant is that I have to learn how have a budget LOL! I’m going from having 2 jobs and only paying $320 a month for rent to only having one job and paying $540 a month. Already I’ve had to ask for an advance on my paycheck at work, get a payday loan from one of those rip-off artist establishments, and hit my Pops up for a loan. I’m kind of scared about being able to catch up from the financial debacle I’m in right now. My friend Trecia tells me that I will just naturally learn how to do it, but I know myself and I don’t believe I’ve ever been able to "naturally" do anything.
Well I’m getting bored with this post, so I figure that anyone else (Danielle) reading this has probably gotten bored 5 or so paragraphs ago already and probably aren’t even still reading it. I may not even post this piece of crap…we’ll see. Late!

1/26/06
AND SO I HAVE AN EXCUSE

Well maybe I don’t really have an excuse for not taking a few minutes every now and then to write a little something for a new post. As we say in treatment talk (at my job,) I’ve been “off track” lately. I’m trying to not be too hard on myself though, because I’m undergoing so many changes. Life-altering, cataclysmic, strenuous, un relenting, and inescapable changes. Of course these changes are just so archetypical of the human condition. In my individual case however, I feel that I accelerate these changes according to the reckless lifestyle that I choose to live. Hmm…reckless doesn’t quite elicit the descriptive picture that I’d have you absorb.
Ah, and this is another interesting topic for discussion; do I really choose to live life this way? Or is there something else playing key factor here . . . some evil force, some scary devil that plagues and incessantly compels me to live recklessly? Many people---namely those in various 12 step programs, call what I’m describing a disease. The ever-powerful, mind-baffling, cunning, and auto-confusing disease called ‘addiction.’ Surely you’re familiar with this disease in someway or another. You work with / care for addicts, you have close friends or family members that are among the addicted. You’ve been wronged at some point, in some way, by one or more of these inflicted souls. Perhaps you’re one of them yourself!
Hey isn’t there a very popular book that lately so many people have been reading and talking about. Yes, in fact I’ve got it in my queue to read myself; it’s called A Million Little Pieces. I never read anything that has to do with ‘self-help’ or even non-fiction really. I think I’ll probably make an exception for this one though so that I can see what the big hubbub is all about. My secondary reason for wanting to read it is that miniscule little part of my brain that hopes it just may be ‘that one book that changed my life forever!’ I’ve read a few of those and I pray that there will be many more to come, but I don’t think any of them were, or will be in the ‘self-help’ category. It’s funny…I have friends that say, “I don’t need to read that book, I lived it myself!” I think I’ve even thought something like that; maybe “I don’t need to read that book, I’m living it myself!”
So, shall I calculate exactly how far off the planned path I had for writing this post that I’ve gone? Maybe just get to the here and now then. Well I mentioned change before. That has mostly to do with the physical place of personal habitation that I have permanently altered. That’s right. I finally got the hell out of that cursed dwelling that attracted psychotic, degenerate, innately wicked, corrupt, cruel, shameless, and definitely scandalous aliens disguised as people. Yes, that dwelling that to the untrained eye appeared very nice, clean, calm, and (my favorite quality) mighty spacious. Besides moving into the larger, downstairs unit of the house once, I have been residing in this building for more than 3 years.
From those 3 years, I bet I could write volumes worth of blog-posts that would be wonderfully intriguing, humorous, and brimming with drama and scandal beyond comparison. Seriously, I will probably often refer back to any of these um, seemingly unbelievable, although completely true reports of some of the events at 4807.
Well then, moving on to current events; I’d like to tell you about my past couple of weeks, and the havoc I endured struggling to keep my life somewhat together. Aw shit, let’s even take it back a few or so weeks. A good starting point I think may be my fantastical absconding, well not really…actually ass getting fired from the long time crutch/safety net that others may call Sizzler. Or maybe you’re one of this fine establishment’s patrons who incorrectly call it “Sizzlers,” or as my friend Angie has it listed in her cell phone ‘contacts list,’ “Hell.” This event was actually quite a long time coming. I really was quite a good employee; I just had one major flaw. The major flaw is the same goddamm flaw I’ve had since I can remember, it is tardiness. Really, I seriously have to do something about that someday, because I think I actually am pre-wired with some doomed behavior mechanism that actually guarantees that I will be constantly late for everything in my life. However, it wasn’t the flaw that actually got me sacked. It was more of a minor problem I’d sometimes have. Well you know… minor in the sense that it didn’t happen very often, but when it did, I’d be placed right in the center of a world of shit that had banners announcing “YOU’RE FIRED!!” And the banners are everywhere; for as far as I can see. Sorry, but the recollection is extremely vivid for me. Anyway, I’m talking about those fun and crazy times when I’d be livin it up so much that in the end I somehow wake up sometime (usually hours) after I was supposed to be at work. These types of infractions are very messy, and have to be handled extremely delicately in order to try to save my ass from getting fired. They usually include an exceedingly elaborate story of some sort, tempered with equal parts of complication and imagination. I was starting to learn to get really good at it too. I’d sit in bed for long enough first to calm down and then devise my plan of action in calling my boss.
I actually don’t think it’s funny, even though I feel like acting like it is anyway; maybe just for shits and giggles’ sake. Many people who are close to me and have known me for a while could tell you a few things they know to be true about me, which could be approaching a near dogmatic litany. One is that I’m pretty damned good at talking to people and convincing them that I’m a good and decent guy who should be cut a break who’s also worth taking a risk on. People just seem to want to believe me and trust me. I remember many times walking out of someone’s office or meeting place noticing a look of full confidence that it must have been a fluke that I had gotten into some jam and they were just delighted to help out a nice, good-natured ‘kid’ like me. “Sure! I can have another chance…I know you wont disappoint me kid!” This will work 2, 3, 4, 5, or even more times with some people.
Another thing people might tell you is that even though I put everything off until the absolute last minute; I somehow manage to pull whatever it is that I was supposed to have done or completed out of my ass in the last and most crucial moment…creating a ‘hat trick’ of sorts. My close friends like to describe it in these precise terms:
It’s a mystery how you pulled that off, but
somehow again you managed to do it…..
“BY THE SKIN OF YOUR TEETH!”
It’s kind of funny; my sister sometimes refers to me as “skin of the teether.” My best friend Danielle and I once joked that when we all die (our close knit of friends,) we will each have an epitaph written on our graves. You know, that kind of describes pretty much what you were all about in life. Well it’s kind of like that but ours will just basically state what our fundamental philosophy was as far as “doing life,” if that makes any sense at all LOL! So anyway, I think I’ll just end it on that note. I’m so tired from working more than a ten hour graveyard shift last night, and it’s been at least a few hours since I got off, left there to walk to the place where I meet my best friend (the city bus) in the cold-ass freezing rain wanting to feel good because I have the day (or night in my case) off, but have no money in my pocket. So here it goes…my early afternoon requiem to any of my peeps who might have stuck it through and really read all this nonsense!

"And at your funeral, I will sing the requiem..." SAVES THE DAY http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/clipserve/B00005M977001001/0/ref=mu_sam_wma_001_001/104-4071287-3156741

ANTHONY B.
1973-?
“Wow, I just made it by the skin of my teeth!”

DANIELLE S. L.
1973-?
“Better late than never!”

LISA B. H.
1973-?
either…
“that’s right, because I’m Jewish…that’s why” LOL
or
“I’ll try anything (or anyone LOL) once”

TRECIA RAMONA A.
1972-?
(and I’m really making this up now)
“I’ll only tell you the truth…really, believe me! What? How did that insult your intelligence?”

BRETT K.
1972-?
“I don’t come out of my room to go to the bathroom, and you think just because I haven’t seen you in years and you’re visiting from thousands of miles away that I’ll come out and say Hi?”

ALEX P.
1973-?
“It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…
It doesn’t matter, because I’m hot and popular now…”

1/01/06 MY FIRST POST


(just a random picture of me being buzzed and happy at our favorite karaoke joint)

Alright folks (Danielle, that is)
I'm finally doing this. Too bad that I still don't believe that I've found my muse. Therefore, this post will no doubt suck terribly. Sorry bout that everybody (Danielle, I mean.) I'm also in no great competant shape to be writing anything this morning. Though hell; here goes nothing!
I woke up this morning first at about 2:30am (yes, that was a couple and a half...actually five and a half hours after that stupid gay big ball dropped in Times Square- since I live on the west coast) I had plans to party with my girl here Angie, but because of my graveyard shift workin ass can never really get into a workable sleep schedule; my happy ass slept through all the festivities. Damn! Just when I finally had someone to be with and kiss at the strike of midnig....uh, I mean the great alarm clock letting the smarter of us know this glamorous world is closer to coming to a dismal end. Yes, I am quite morbid. I'll be sure to confirm that quality with future posts. Can't you just wait?! LOL! So I tried calling her, but only got her voicemail. I checked my own voicemail, and there weren't any messages from her, only from a few different random friends who were obviously drunk, slurring things like "Where are youuuuuu Anthony?!!!!!!!!!! You've got to get to this or that party" and such.
Getting on with the pathetic 'I, once again had nobody on New Year's Eve' story: Well I knew Angie would be working that day and evening, but only until 8 or so. That was cool though, because it gave me plenty time to prepare for the evening, right?
Not a chance with my tired ass. I did, however, leave numerous texts and voice messages to let her know I was still wanting to hook up with her, which she claims she never got. I've got to believe her, because she's never lied to me before. She's really a complete doll. Maybe we'll even hook up someday for real. Anyway, I finally heard from here just a little while ago. She told me that she got off of work late, and didn't do anything but go home by herself (she didn't know I was trying to get a hold of her) and she assured me that she didn't kiss anyone else. Which is kind of nice to hear, but still I wish she would have had a good time even it wouldn't have been with me.
I'm going to let you all (you all meaning Danielle, of course) go for now. The liturgical torture was sufficient I believe, LOL! I don't want to be writing "ad nauseum" as Danielles old professor used to say 'ad nauseum' I don't think that my first post is very good, but hopefully you'll allow for the headache and nausea I'm experiencing right now.
Peace to all!
Gelvis...OUT